I did rather well with the eating situation too. I ate more than usual, but I was still conscious of it and I feel that I made some pretty healthful choices. It’s so hard when you’re a house guest to be truly picky, but there were good options. Eggs and toast for breakfast, steak and crab legs for dinner – it was delicious! No complaints here!

I’m also super proud of myself because I weighed in before I left instead of missing a week. I was a little nervous because I weighed in on a Wednesday night – I usually weigh in Saturday morning – and I was feeling a little swollen from the day. As I drove to the meeting I kept telling myself “don’t worry, you’re weighing on a different day at a later time, even if you don’t lose anything, you’ve done well”. When I got to the meeting and stepped on the scale I learned that I lost 2 whole pounds!! That’s six total, so wooooot!!!

The next weigh in is tomorrow morning – I’m pretty excited. I love my meeting!

Leaving on a jetplane . . .

A couple posts back I mentioned that this journey would take a lot of courage in that, without food being my coping mechanism, I’d have to learn to face my fears and anxieties head on; I’d actually have to, ya know, deal with things. The last couple days I’ve really had to put that sentiment to good use . . .

Tomorrow Josh and I are taking a trip to Florida. We’re schleping ourselves to the airport at the buttcrack of dawn, hopping on an airplane, and spending half of the day hurling across the country in a giant metal bird. Easy-peezy, right? For most, yes . . . for me? Pretty much the most terrifying thing that I could ever dream of. I. Hate. Flying. It’s not that I haven’t had much experience flying, I’ve been in an airplane a many many times throughout my life – I just hate it. I hate the recycled air, I hate the noise of the engines, and turbulence makes me want to crawl into a dark corner and curl into a fetal position. Simply horrifying.

In the past when I’ve had a flight looming over my head, I’ve taken solace in any food I could get my hands on. This time, however, I have demonstrated some pretty awesome courage. I haven’t binged once! It’s been hard – especially since Josh’s birthday was just the other day and I could have easily gorged myself on cake and frosting – but I’ve been ok. I’ve done some breathing exercises to calm myself, kept my hands busy with a crochet project, and, when the urge to just munch has gotten too overwhelming, I grabbed some baby carrots and hummus for a whopping total of one point!

Long story short, I feel good about myself. My confidence is still sky rocketing, and yesterday when I looked in the mirror I actually saw my cheekbones and chin! Both have been hiding for quite some time now. It was a very nice reward for all of my hard work. I have a feeling the real test will be tomorrow morning when I’m waiting in the airport, though. I’ll be nervous and hyper anxious, and there will be coffee and doughnuts and margaritas all around me, but I’ll resist. Hear that, Food Gods? I’m gonna be ok!

Send me some good vibes and see you when I get home!

Tah-Dah!! This photo was taken on Christmas morning 2009 – I’m not quite sure how much I weighed here, but it’s the closest I could find to a true before picture. I’ve noticed that as my weight spirals out of control I, a normally very hammy person, become as elusive as Bigfoot when a camera gets pulled out. So this is the last picture taken of me before rejoining a couple weeks ago. I, for one, love my outfit, and yes, that is a Hermione mug I’m drinking from.

]]> http://scalingdownsteph.wordpress.com/2010/02/10/drumroll-please/feed/ 0 Steph December, 2009 http://scalingdownsteph.wordpress.com/2010/02/09/time-for-a-quickie/ http://scalingdownsteph.wordpress.com/2010/02/09/time-for-a-quickie/#comments Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:26:40 +0000 Stephanie http://scalingdownsteph.wordpress.com/?p=204 ]]> A quick post, that is. Couple things: Good news! The cravings subsided, and now I’m doing quite well. Week Two be damned!! I’m feeling great, especially since I beat the cravings. That alone makes me feel accomplished, confident, and proud.

Item two: Today is my wonderful boyfriend’s birthday (Happy birthday Josh!), and I made him a funfetti cake; it’s his favorite. The best part of this seemingly bland story is that I did it without sampling any cake batter. Now, when I say sampling I don’t just mean taking an itty bitty teaspoon taste. Sure, it might start out that way, but let’s be honest with ourselves here, people, who hasn’t sat down with a bowl o’ batter before. I didn’t even lick the spoon! Luckily, Josh was home so I let him do the honors. He also got the bowl and the spatula.

So that’s it for today. I’ve gotta go finish doing birthday prep – we’ve got some people coming over in a couple hours and our apartment is sort of a wreck!  Eeeek!!

Wow. I’m bitching and I realize it. Why? Because all I want right now is a doughnut. Again . . . why? I have no bloody idea! Doughnuts are usually not one of the things that I super-crave. Earlier all I wanted was a giant salami sandwich (oops! My Italian is showing). I’m being bombarded with cravings!! But, much to the disappointment of the dreaded Food Gods, I shall not give in – try as they might to make me.

All bitching aside . . . BRING IT, WEEK TWO! I’m ready for you! I’m aware of my cravings and that they are just that, cravings. They suck and they’re often very hard to fight, but my will is strong. I can do this, as long as I keep focused. Yep. Bring it.

So, my agenda for today? Give myself a big pat on the back, first of all. Work on compiling some pictures for my progress page, and head to the gym. It’s gonna be a good day.

It’s amazing how much food can control a person. It becomes an addiction, only, unlike drugs or alcohol, you can’t quit food. You can only learn to make better choices, which is hard . . . especially when there’s a giant tub of potato salad in the fridge . . . but it’s doable. It just takes strength, courage, and confidence. Strength because, let’s face it, when you open the refrigerator with the best of intentions and you find potato salad staring you dead in the eye, mocking you with it’s creamy, potatoey goodness it takes a lot of muscle power (in both your mind and body) to grab an apple and shut the door! Courage because, at least for me, food becomes a coping mechanism. It’s a total crutch! I’m angry? Food will make me feel better. I’m sad? Food will make me feel better. And so it goes until you’re tipping the scales at a high point (for me, 202.8 lbs). Take away that crutch, and anxiety ensues. You find yourself having to face your problems head on instead of hiding behind a bowl of Chunky Monkey. And finally confidence in knowing that when you say no to the Potato Salad O’ Doom, you’re doing something good for yourself in the long run . . . investing in yourself and your health.

So tomorrow I’m going to the meeting and stepping on the scale, and no matter what it says I’m gonna be proud of myself. After all, I got through the first week – the week of junk food withdrawal and general crankiness – and I’m pretty sure I got through it with a relative amount of grace, although you’d have to ask Josh. I’d love to say it’s all down hill from here, but I think we all know a little bit better than that!

We were starting to feel just about ready to knock our regimen up a notch or two, so we decided to take advantage of the free personal training session that the gym offers to new clients. I was a little wary of the whole thing because I’m so very out of shape at the moment, but our sessions were yesterday, and I’m extremely happy to report that I loved it!! My trainer was absolutely wonderful. She didn’t make me feel awful about being unfit. She was fun to work with, and she definitely kicked my butt! We did a whole bunch of floor work (which is my favorite . . . the weight machines are nice, but give me machine-less pilates any day and I’ll be just fine), and lots of stretching. I found it funny how shocked she was at my flexibility. I had told her that I was a dancer for most of my life up until after high school, but something tells me she didn’t really take me seriously. It’s interesting the perceptions people have about those who are overweight . . . but that’s for a different entry.

After our sessions, Josh and I stayed for what we thought would be a nice relaxing yoga class. Turns out it was less a yoga class than it was a crazy-ass death cardio class from hell. So, needless to say, when I woke up this morning every single one of my major muscle groups were throbbing! There’s a picture of myself that I posted several months ago – I took it after doing a workout dvd. That’s pretty much what I looked like all day! It’s feeling much better now, but every time I sit down and stand up again I feel like an eighty-year-old woman. Not pretty. There’s a lot of noise involved and it takes me about thirty seconds to stand up straight. I’ll be happy when my body once again becomes used to working out on a regular basis!

So, what’s the point of all this wordiness? I signed up for some personal training sessions in the next few weeks!! I’m super excited and a little nervous . . . but mostly excited. So, wish me luck, everyone out there in Interweb Land. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna need it.

*For those interested, if you have or know someone who has a Costco card, they’re selling two year memberships for 24 Hour Fitness right now for $299.99 (tax is included in the price). The price averages out to about $12/month and the sign up fee is already included which is a crazy good deal considering most gyms ask for about $30/month. Plus, it’s all access to every 24 Hour Fitness gym except for Super Sports. It’s definitely worth looking into if you’re interested in getting back on the health wagon.

I’m not gonna lie – it was pretty bleak. I hit my brand new high point at 202.8 lbs. Grant it, it’s only 1.4 pounds higher than my last high point, but still . . . for someone who swore she would never ever hit 200 lbs the time I got up to 180, to know that I’ve done it twice now does not make me feel proud. However, I’m trying not to focus on that.

This time around (my very last time around thankyouverymuch), I will absolutely be focusing on the journey. My weight loss does not have to be a race. As long as I am conscious of the food going into my mouth, staying on my plan, and getting myself back into a consistent exercise routine the weight will come off of my body. If it takes over a year so be it. I am taking all the time I need to learn to have a healthy relationship with food. I am taking the time to love what I look like every single step of the way. I can’t afford to be impatient, because that will inevitably lead to my quitting the program once again.

So I say this now as a solemn vow . . . listen close, Food Gods: I WILL DO THIS!